A hug for my soul

A journey of grieving and healing after child loss

I See You Too

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Hello from Byron Bay.

This post is for S.

After our morning meditation, S came sat down next to me and we just hugged for a long time. We had tears in our eyes because our auras spoke to each other that morning. S is the other Asian woman in my class, petit but full of energy. Her 19-year-old son is doing the training with her, a student of Physicist, who gracefully integrates Kundalini into science.

S and I spoke about being Asian and growing up in that dense shame and fear based imprint,and the hardship and loneliness of being the rebels of our own cultures, suffering by wanting to listen to the voice from within instead.

Imprints. Patterns. Projections. These are the dense individual manifestations of wounds passed on by generations within a family, a culture, and a collective energy. Most of the time they are in disguise, and to meet those expectations or just to simply behave and not be different, we just took all of what’s thrown on us over, and carry other people’s stuff on without realizing. Some cultures promote shame. Shame of not being good enough. Shame because someone else needs to feel powerful. Some strip a person’s self esteem down, because that is making way for authority and attachments to come in. While the real integrity passed down from ancestor to ancestor might have been overlooked, which is so true and simple, and cannot be challenged by any sort of modern psychology: universal compassion and love, which is non-attachment, non-judgmental, and non-verbal.

It takes a tremendous amount of courage to confront that shadow within us. Painful and confusing when things are not that complicated, but super challenging when we try to parent. We are confronted with the shadows we have been battling with, and we are confronted further to identify what is the truth, how we want to raise our kids. Is it to live in avoidance and denial or is it to unconsciously submit to the imprints and projections, taking them as heritage and traditions or is it to embrace all that pain, and let light shine through, so that light can embrace our beautiful children?

My humble human understanding of our choices to reincarnate into such a body, family and culture is, simply humility and humanity. It is to dance like only you are watching on a piece of deserted land, and seeing the blinding beauty and bliss in that, just to celebrate life and our oneness. However, the moment we choose to embrace that wound in all of us, to unload the imprints, expectations and projections, to allow our souls to speak and dance, and stand truthfully in that integrity, in this life that’s of flesh and blood, something and someone truthful and beautiful will emerge.

It is very very confronting work, but I want to tell all mothers who are doing this work, what graceful and courageous warrior goddesses they are.

I see You too, S.

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