A hug for my soul

A journey of grieving and healing after child loss

The Art of Being Enough


The one tie we have to this world – our family and the society surrounding us, each and every individual member of that category, our parents, kids, partners, siblings, classmates, friends, work mates, neighbors, we learn and test drive everyday with them for our nature in this world – the longing to belong.

We dream to be all things rosy and wonderful, so we are counted as lovable, desirable, capable and resourceful for those we care about. It is like a high once those goals are met, and it hurts the ego like an annoying UTI if we fail to meet those potentials we all think we have, so we feel sorry and incapable, so that must be the reason we feel so low and unappreciated, so we must do better, because you know, nothing is impossible, especially for almighty God-like me. So we try harder, we give more, we push another corner of the wall down, there goes the vicious circle.

The issue here is not you are not capable and you have to put a limit to things you want to do for your loved and cared ones. The issue not addressed is, most people have not learnt how to structure and maintain a healthy boundary with others. Yes we need boundaries, not cold, high walls with scorpion arrows prepared for battles, but firm, clear yet bouncy cushions for your emotional and physical wholeness.

When I close my eyes, it feels like one’s aura, a beautifully knitted net with lights from different shades, like the splash of blinding yet glittering power of sunshine when we flip our wings, shining God’s love and wisdom, but also imprinted with each individual’s own shadows.

What is the light? Energy. Positive energy so pure and powerful brought to this realm by us, wishing nothing else but to experience the fullness and dimensions of everything. What about the shadows? Energy. Energy that is transmuted into something heavier, like fear, insecurity, abandonment, jealousy and hatred. In Kundalini my teachers say when they look at people’s auras, they can always tell how truly centered and happy they are. Sometimes the beautiful nets of lights are holed, torn apart or scared.

This heaviness we carry around can be something a trauma that’s not looked at and cared for, either acute or from childhood or even past lives (I like talking about past lives because I’m a little crazy for this world, just like you are), and not that surprisingly, from your intact environment, cultures, languages, education and upbringings.

I experience in most Asian cultures, girls are perceived as less capable thus less useful than boys, a little girl has to be an all-in-one, meaning smart, slender, beautiful, considerate, caring, kind, generous, learn everything, to even catch up, to not be left behind in the competition, eventually to deserve some love and respect; Many experience in their own relations with their parents as feeling blackmailed, guilty, unfulfilled and unfair.

What’s easier to control? They are told to fulfill tasks, change plans, pick up responsibilities, give up dreams, tear down their personal space on demands of their parents or family, or even a collective country, so the needs of the latter are met – A guilty conscience filled by sometimes unreasonable demands from the closest people, and fear of losing their love if not obeyed. Your particular parents love you with all their hearts, and this was not their own invention. It is passed down through generations, made into cultural norms and renounced traditions, you are a traitor of all those above if you don’t agree that you are never enough, of course for the convenience of everything and everyone else, and later for your addiction for confirmation of being really okay and lusting for more than what’s okay.

Your auras are stepped into. And your family situation, passed on imprints and perceptions, cultures, all teach you to let that happen, so you can shine your goodness more, so love can be sustained. Your boundaries are stepped over. And everyone teaches you to tear that completely down. The more demand you can bear, the more non-guilty good feelings you’ll get in return.

The beautiful wings of light we came into this world with, which we thought was the most valuable assert, was roughly and rudely stripped away, and we are left with our arms and hands chained by deep, deep fear. A fear so foreign that we don’t know where it came from, yet a fear so familiar that when we take a deep breath, it is our dear soul looking back at us in the eyes, murmuring “how are you going to go on without knowing who you are?”

This black mailing system sustains itself, as soon as a little girl becomes a mother in deep fear of wanting to be more and do more, and soon steps into her children’s boundaries, as early as a child learns to please the parents with “good behaviors” for love and affection.

There is a difference between the frustration of not being enough driven by fear, and the pure longing to explore more. The former is composed by the heavy stuff in your aura, and you are feeding it by allowing your ego to tell you “being enough makes you better and more lovable than others”, making it impossible for you to maintain your own boundaries, and step over others’ without even realizing it. The kind of “You are enough” love? You’ll feel the lightness of being trusted and allowed, being let go, fly, explore and soar, like trusting your partner’s loyalty with a vulnerable heart, like watching your parents getting older and more fragile; like getting pregnant after three miscarriages, like saying goodbye to your dying baby and holding his body in your arms.

You are enough when your expertise earns you 200 euros while others’ earn 2000; You are enough when you are too tired to read your children 5 stories like the mom next door; You are enough when you don’t have a present or message for your partner everyday; You are enough if you are no longer happy in your marriage and want a divorce; You are enough if you don’t want to get your clothes dirty playing with your toddler; You are enough when you don’t have enough money for your parents’ surgery; You are enough if you don’t know how to cook; You are enough even and especially when you have only one arm or one leg.

You are enough when you remind yourself so. Others forget and are in a fantasy as if they are in constant competition with the world around? Gently tell them, you are enough, and your soul wants her wings back.

This is our teaching from this week. Thank you.

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