A hug for my soul

A journey of grieving and healing after child loss

I Am So Good at Yoga


This title because of an ear worm for me since years.

It’s a super hilarious song from a show Called Crazy Ex-girlfriend. The Insta-perfect, yoga-teaching and smoothie-drinking current girlfriend sings ‘now we are in a yoga class, time to let your mind go blank and focus on how amazing the yoga teacher is. Look at me, look at me, I am so good at yoga” while shaking her boho-ready and Malibu-tanned body.

I think of the high I get by doing yoga and meditations. It is such a beautiful hike to the mountain top, it boosted my confidence and ego much more, imagine the helicopter trips you took through smoking dope in your friend’s mom’s car parked on a London city street at 3am. It is more rewarding than that. It is Devine with so many layers and light, memories and colors so amplified, sensations and corners of your heart once forgotten. It’s like, traveling through darkness for x light years only to find sitting inside of you, there’s been so much pain and love, so many lives lived and so many things experienced via different incidents and role players. Spirituality is such a marketing hipe, yet it had heard my vibration’s calling and grasped me by my hand when I needed it the very most. I am lucky enough to have gone through various of schools and methods, got to meet teachers from around the world, had many healing hands laid on me, and started my own practice and rebuilt my belief system. Those which and who really touched my heart space are surprisingly usually the drop-outs yet most humble, firm but always love-based. What I love the most about them is, that they have an open, raw and honest heart.

A master is not closing his eyes and living by only chanting mantras and being vegan. An underdog is not anything different just because he steals and eats garbage. The truly enlightened ones don’t have much to learn or do here anymore, as long as we are here, there’s always mistakes to be made, life lessons to be learnt, karma to be rebalanced, hearts to be opened, and light to be shed. By closing our heart we don’t get to spread our love to others, by numbing our mind we also are practicing a false compassion that is conditional and only accessible to those who are able to. It may protect an ideology from being questioned and tested, but it forms a new stage where each and every seeker seeks a perfectly-fitting role according to his current vibration, in attempts to protect past wounds. A used-to-be guru may be called out a sex predator, a group may be forced into the dynamic of a cult, a donation-based business may birth negative competitions.

We all are here trying to worship our progress experiencing the fullness of life, not the ego or a by-pathed ego dressed in yoga pants wearing non-animal tested beauty products.

Materialism is separation and limited, in my opinion, but so is a separation-based spiritual belief. My grandpa is a devoted Muslim and my other grandparents are Buddhists, they told me religions are not intended to separate but to bring people home. One doesn’t need to differentiate himself from others to hold the key to happiness and success, it is quite the opposite. In the end you find it is just a change of perspective, but never having to choose where your true home is. Spirituality is not a by-path for escaping life lessons, just as by only accessing and relying on our intelligence and cognitive skills, life is half-lived. The true masters live humbly and fully, with their hearts open to give and receive, embracing all that is, all who we are. All our sufferings and heartache, shadows and desires, intelligence and skills, strategies and pleasure, imperfections and how materialistic life and the human body actually is, and all our purity and nothingness, visions and dreams, intuition and vibes, things we cannot quantify but keep us coming back again and again. One is not the enemy of the other. With all these settings and tools we learn truly the importance to feel love and express love, to stand in our power and respect others, to be authentic and true, to be brave and vulnerable, to not victimize ourselves or others, we check out, and we return.

Life is life, life is also more than life. A true mantra reaches more layers of your humanity and the most powerful practice is to embrace all who you are and all what life has to offer. We are all equally practicing our own yoga. May yours be your community who embraces your true identity as a human. May you keep an open heart to build yours no matter how raw it can be sometimes.

Sat Nam.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: