A hug for my soul

A journey of grieving and healing after child loss

You are Not Alone

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It feels somewhat polarized to be an advocate for mental health, but the time is now. I am actually very honoured to be doing what I’m doing, together with my friends, family and mentors from around the world, who bravely take up roles as facilitators, teachers, consultants and suicide hotline helpers when a lot of people are close to a boiling point.

Coming from a culture and up-bringing where grace equals keeping your business to yourself, mental healthy to me was like…Aunt Irma, not knowing that this docile subtlety and politeness was the product of the convenience to not to face the most fundamental aspect which makes us universally human – we have emotions and expectations, we get hurt and hurt people, we are far from the perfect final product yet we are worthy individuals despite of that. It’s nothing to hide and sob in shame for, but to unite and shine your light onto. 

Five years into different methods of psychological profiling, three years after an acute trauma, two years of practicing meditation and yoga, one year into consulting others with traumas and self-sabotaging beliefs, half an year into studying psychology, a few months into volunteering for Nigeria’s health organization,  which were all my attempt to survive my trauma turned into something so valuable and rewarding in my life, I cannot help but having profiled and continue to profile everyone around me and those of specific importance. 

So you see I spent a lot of time talking, listening, writing and thinking, perhaps also hallucinating when yoga got me really high. Depending on the style of psychology streams, conventional and holistic, people and their behaviours are normally categorized and explained, for instance the narcissist, the depressed, the OCD, the have-a-lot-to-do-in-this-reincarnation, the question-every-belief, the identifying-with-form…It is so fascinating and how I learnt to identify the science, or sincerity of one ideology, is whether after the profiling and explaining, comes compassion and impartial approaches towards each personality, tendency, belief, obsession or fear. 

One is not doomed to be depressed since depression runs within the family, the way your family and culture carried themselves around you is also genetic; A narcissist is not necessarily someone extrovert but very hidden, being intelligent or charming may just stand in their way of really understanding themselves and thesoul’s most urgent need. It seems likes getting all they need is simply manipulating, sabotaging, disgracing, and shaming others but the world is always them verses me plus the extension of me, yet it is another vicious cycle the brain has long made an oth to protect when the very first incident happened. Perhaps their parents preferred other kids within the family, perhaps they were betrayed by the family they trusted the most. 

The conclusion of any sort of sincere profiling is not to judge or attempt to change a person, on the contrary to build new pathways for us who suffered from the above results, in emergencies to rescue and protect ourselves from real physical and psychological danger, to have the courage, feel safe enough, have the clarity to identify real danger and perceived danger, AKA an unhealed psychological wound, and go on with resilience for life and grace for others from there. When a mistake takes place, call it out, correct it and try again with your experiences failing; When a misunderstanding occurs, hear and be heard; When someone belittle you because they are stuck themselves, trust that what they say about you is what they think of themselves. 

We are human, we are not perfect, neither are your parents or your perceived enemies or abusers. Humans make error, and how precious life is, which can only continue on this planet, in this realm, within the function of our physical body, to be wasted on all sorts of attempts to protect the original hurt and perceived self. 

THE universal truth doesn’t belong to me, doesn’t belong to your ego, doesn’t belong to a group of people or ideology, it dwells within you as you. What would the universe do to survive and thrive now? Mine says gratitude. 

Grateful for our body so we are still here, grateful for the choice which always is completely yours, grateful for those who we dared to connect with and those who daringly showed their vulnerability to us, grateful for the lives your help bring and nurture, grateful for your very own resilience and courage, to take a gentle look at what truly brings you joy and what stands in the way of that, and your willingness to ask for help once it is all just too much and too hard.

It’s not just a convo between you and your shrink, but a tiny mini sparkle in human revolution. 

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